The Duggars: 20 and Counting. Raising one of America’s Largest Families – How They Do It.
It is no secret that I love the Duggar family. I am not even really sure when this obsession began. I think I was like every one else…I initially started watching the show out of curiosity. How could they have this many kids and function? How can they even afford it? And then I started wanting to find out why they would have this big of a family. And let’s not even mention the way they dress and the fact that they all (minus mom Michelle) have J names.
But…
As I started watching and learning more about them I really started to genuinely love them. Yes, they have a ton of kids. Yes, they are almost always all together and even homeschooled. But they are so frugal that I think Jim Bob probably squeaks when he walks. They are loving and completely happy. They love others and are not judgemental of those who live differently than they do (which I unfortunately cannot say about the people who oppose them).
Oh and did I mention that they live DEBT FREE? Neither Jim Bob nor Michelle have ‘traditional jobs’: they are both real estate agents and own commercial and residential properties and make money on those rents as well as occasionally still listing properties for sale.
One thing that I almost always point out to people who seem to just be so offended by a family of 19 kids is that they do not now NOR have they ever taken any kind of government assistance. “They get paid for their show!” you might say. Well, yes…but when Jim Bob and Michelle were married in the 80’s was the only time they had a mortgage and since then they have lived with no creditors and saving up to pay cash for the things they need. Yes, including houses.
Obviously, the Duggars 100% believe that “Children are a blessing from God” and by revealing their background and how they grew up and fell in love, the readers gets to see what started them in this set of beliefs and lifestyle that got them to where they are today.
Throughout the book, there are little side notes with cute family stories, fave recipes, and letters from viewers. I found one to be really interesting and it was answered by Jinger. She said that when they are faced with things people say about their family that may be hurtful “…[W]e are reminded to accept the 10 unchangeable things about ourselves that make each person a unique individual”. These 10 things are:
1. The way God made us
2. Our Parents
3. Our brothers and sisters
4. Our nationality
5. Our mental capacity
6. Our time in history
7. Our gender
8. Our birth order and placement in our family
9. The fact that we grow older as the years pass
10. The fact that life is a race against time and the best way to use that time is to serve God and others.
Jim Bob and Michelle were married when they were 19 and 17 (1984). Jim Bob had a job at a grocery store and had bought a house for them. This is the only house they ever paid a mortgage for. Jim Bob’s mom was a real estate agent and he himself got his license. Through various business ventures (used car lot, towing business, etc) and being ridiculously frugal and patient, they paid cash for their next houses (and properties that they clean up and rent/lease for profit). This is one thing that just blows my mind about them. They mention Jim Sammons’ Financial Freedom courses and being their motivation for living this way and I really think it’s something that I want to look in to soon.
Since they first got married, they have not had a television. During their first year of marriage, they were encouraged to not have a television so as to focus on each other. They got a tv shortly after their first anniversary and promptly got rid of it as they felt it had the potential to be a detrimental distraction. I can see their thinking on this, especially if it’s something they were not used to having. Why bring that in? But do I think I could give it up…nope.
During the first part of their marriage they used birth control (pills) and decided to stop when they wanted to have a child. Their first kid, Josh, was born in march of 1988 and they decided to go back on the pill. Shortly thereafter she became pregnant while on the pill and suffered a miscarriage, which they felt was their fault. This situation lead Jim Bob and Michelle to a lot of prayer and Scripture reading where they learned that children are a gift from God. Not only did they stop taking the pill but they from then on abstained from any form of birth control in order to let God decide how many children they should have.
When they became pregnant with Josh, they didn’t have any health insurance. So…they went to the hospital and found out what all of the costs associated with having the baby would be and made payments to the hospital. Soon after Josh was born they had paid off the entire cost, before a bill was even due.
Another fun sidenote I found in the book was “Words to Live By”:
*Be careful what you’re good at doing, because you’ll probably do a lot of it.
*Be careful what you praise your children for doing, because they’ll do a lot of it.
*Be careful what you criticize your children for doing because they won’t want to do it anymore.
Their constant motto of “Buy Used, Save the Difference” is something that I have really started to try to use. If there are things I can’t buy used (such as groceries) I have tried to take the bath of the Extreme Couponer (but not stockpiling crazy amounts of stuff that I could never possibly use like the people on the show). Jim Bob also has this freaky ability to find exactly what they need (say some equipment for a project, or a washer or dryer) in used condition for a ridiculously cheap price and then he is able to somehow turn this around and sell it for more than he bought it for and still make a profit!
Jim Bob and Michelle ran a used car lot and lived in the back of the “office” (a 900 square foot, 2 bedroom house). They lived in this house with FIVE kids (Josh, Jana, John David, Jill, Jessa)!! Can you even imagine? I mean my apartment is like 150 square feet bigger than that and it’s just me, my husband and my dog. And I’m pretty sure I’d go bananas if I had any more people in here!
One thing that I do notice about them when watching their show is that they eat out meals a lot. But I know they have mentioned that Jim Bob takes advantage of the places that have “Kids eat free” specials. On the episode where they went to a mexican restaurant for Jills birthday they said that because of that promotion they saved over $75 on their entire bill!
When I talk about their kids to people who are not familiar with them, one thing they always mention (pre-Josie, mostly) is that there are no children with defects or disabilities. I found this curious too and I found it even more so when they mention that Josiah was born with a ‘minor birth defect’ that was ‘easily corrected by surgery’. Yet they do not mention what it was and it is literally mentioned in two quick sentences. (Note: They mention it in their second book too and don’t go in to any more detail there either).
Fun Fact: Jim Bob was an Arkansas State Representative. A photo was shot of them by a member of the Associated Press around the time of his election. The photo was picked up by the New York Times, then Ladies’ Home Journal, then Parent’s Magazine…..and the curiosity just kind of snowballed until they ended up with their TLC documentaries which then snowballed in to them having their own series. When thinking about what would come along with the show and documentaries, their biggest concern was that they did not want their faith edited out of the shows as that is a big part of who they are and how they live.
One thing that stands out about this family for sure is the way they dress. The girls wear skirts that cover at least the thigh and shirts with high necks. The boys wear pants and usually collared shirts, no shorts. When they are confronted about this style, they respond that “…[W]e want to attract others’ interest to our faces and our character, rather than to our bodies”. I found it so great that they point out that people always think it’s weird that they all dress a like. Yet…if you look at groups of teenagers at the mall or a concert or what have you, they are all usually conforming to some standard set of styles or fashions. Not very different from the Duggars…I think it just weirds some people out because it’s a little “dated”.
Obviously a subject they address in the book is how they have this many kids in the house and yet have well-mannered and respectful children. Michelle always jokes saying that there is “peaceful” or “serene” chaos when they are all together and they are able to make it work with their methods or parenting and training their children. They say that their goal is to have the children understand 4 different points of obedience: instant, cheerful, thorough, unconditional.
Jim Bob can often be heard saying on the show that “You will never regret spending too much time together as a family”. So true. I have recently been trying to take that to heart and make trips home to visit my family as often as I possibly can.
Michelle has a chapter about organization and one part of it focuses on organizing a move. It’s great and I am for sure using some of her tips the next time I have to pack it all up!
Another Duggar fun fact: It is said that you rarely, if ever, see a Duggar downstairs in their home with their pajamas on (all bedrooms are located upstairs).
Speaking of their house, they as a family built it from the ground up and they had the option to lay it out as they wanted. Even with this option, the boys and girls chose to have shared living space as their bedrooms. The girls have a 2000 square foot room with two bathrooms and two counter sinks in their room. Since they have a household clothes closed, the girls turned what would be their master closet into a sewing room. The boys turned their closet in to an audio production studio and they also have a slide that spirals down to the playroom below.
I really really enjoyed this book. I might be slightly biased but I did like reading about how they live debt free and the situations in their lives that got them to that point. I would recommend it for fans of the show and for those that just are curious to find out a little bit more about these people and if their life is too good to be true (it’s a pretty amazing life…but yeah, it’s true).
Jim Bob and Michelle and their children Josh (married to Anna; kids Mackynzie and Michael), Jana, John David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn-Grace, Josie.
Melodiesintune 